Stuff's happenin

Didn't get the job I was promised.  Still have too much to do.  Blah blah blah poor me whatever.  Friends are back in town on summer break, I'm still going to school.  Joke's on them though, I'll be done a year earlier!

i hate this economy with a passion

Hate is a strong word but it's completely appropriate for this situation.  Made it down to the place I'm gonna apply (think construction, but like roads and stuff) as a rock picker (I walk behind a machine and throw rocks it misses into it) for stupid amounts of money, only to find out that 1. they require a ten year driving record (not that you've been driving for 10 years, just the history) which I don't have and 2. all their positions have been filled, but I'm more than welcome to put in an app.  That being said though, the job and the climate here are so shitty that they have a lot of people just stop showing up to work, so it's still worth filling out the app (which is 30 pages long and includes a questionnaire).  On the way over there I almost got splattered by a tow truck driver.  He saw me, he just didn't care.  This is why I hate people.  Not persons, I'm sure the guy is actually quite nice in person, but he was a people.

So now I have an interesting v neck sun burn, and since I wear fingerless gloves on my motorcycle since it so damn hot, it looks like I'm wearing white gloves and painted my hand pink.  Whee!

whee updates

trying to find time to start a srs bsns blog rather than having my rantings alongside my vg reviews... speaking of rants... wtf why can't my body cut me a break for a change?  I was supposed to be somewhere over an hour ago and my stomach is like "You think your BRAIN controls you?  You're funny.  Hope your brain can keep you from puking in your helmet!"  fml.

Had a weird dream last night.

Essentially, I was a stage hand in this big ice skating/play production.  Think Disney on ice, but more adult oriented.  Anyhow, the final act guy didn't show up, who happened to be the same clothes size as me, so I ended up in a tux with ice skates... pretending to be a penguin on ice.  Weird right?  That's not even the best part.  The best part is I didn't know anything about the play itself or the part I was supposed to be playing so essentially I was told "just skate around and look pretty, the voiceover will do the rest."  Then I find out (while skating mind you) that the final part of my sudden appearance on stage includes bringing out three bigwigs.  One I didn't know, some woman my brain made up.  The other was President Obama, which I was like 'meh whatever'.  Finally they bring out the legend Mr. Stan Lee, and I nearly wet myself with glee.  "Excuse me Mr. President, if I'm not mistaken that's Stan fucking Lee."  Skating over, I shake his hand and nearly cry.  How would you react if you got a chance to shake Stan Lee's hand?  Don't judge.

Anyway.  After that the rest of the massive cast was brought out, and the guy who I replaced had showed up.  During the final bow he cut the shit outta me with his skate.  I left a trail of blood off the stage/ice, and collapse backstage.  That's when I woke up.  WTF did I eat to illicit a weird ass dream like that?

Army of Two: Shanghai Noon

Army of Two 40th Day came out a long time ago, but I never picked it up because I didn't have anyone to play with.  A friend and I played through Army of Two a good long while ago, and it was fun to play with a buddy just because there weren't any good co op games out there, but didn't exactly knock my socks off.  The weapon customization was nice, but really just ended up making one of us make our guns super aggro machines and the other reverse aggro machines.

Aggro works just like it does in most MMO's... the more you have, the more the enemy shoots at you and not your partner.

40th day is a lot more fun than the first one.  We're both pretty even in our aggro loadout, and we don't feel like we're losing out tactically.  You can also now pick up enemy's dropped weapons, so if I need to I can grab an unsilenced rifle to hold their attention so my friend can flank.

All in all, it's a great co op experience.  Not so sure I'd be as happy with it if it were a computer AI as my buddy.  We've run into some frustrating moments, but nothing so bad we put the controller down.

There are some other neat gameplay additions.  We've gotten separated more than once, and they don't feel like "oops, we're separated... sure hope we don't die".  There's also a new morality and comraderie system, with rewards and penalties for going one way or another.  There's also a bonus for rescuing hostages, in both money and free parts and sometimes even guns.

All in all, I like this game a LOT more than it's first installment.  If you have a buddy to play with or wanna chance a random buddy in xbox live, don't be afraid to pick this one up.

I am a leaf on the wind.

Watch me fly.  I was angry when I wrote my last post, but not at what the subject was on.  I know, I'm weird like that.  I don't apologize.  Everything I said is just as true now as it was then, I just may have used different language to get my point across.

Rock on y'all.  

Seriously ladies, figure it the fuck out.

No.  Seriously.  You  want a guy that treats you like shit?  Fine.  Don't sit there and bitch at me that it's not fair that t here aren't any nice guys left, or that guys treat women like dirt, or that your current boyfriend just needs you to help him to 'change'.  I'm tired of giving and getting nothing but lip service 'gee thanks you're so nice'.

I don't want to be alone but you know what?  I'm through getting shot down for no good fucking reason.  "Oh, I just don't see you that way."  Why the hell not?  Not even gonna give me a shot?  You gave the asshole that cheated on you, destroyed your self esteem, and pushed you into doing things you aren't proud of a shot.  You gave the guy that wouldn't listen to two words about your day, or listen to you when you needed a friend, or who wouldn't give you that hug you really needed a shot.

So why is it that the guy that is always there for you, who has a water proof shoulder, who MAKES time in his day to make sure you're doing okay because he knows you and him are having problems or you're having a tough day at work always gets the "Let's just be friends" line?  Hmm?  No really, what is it that makes me so undesireable?  I really want to know!  Is it my sensitivity that you claim is so refreshing and wonderful for a guy to have? (By the by, I have a problem with gender role generalizations, but that's a post for another time.)  Is it my physical appearance?  I will admit I have a dark side, not anger but depression.  I know that's a major turn off to most people, not just girls, but you know what?  We all have our dark sides.

I also get that sometimes it just isn't going to work.  That being said, if it had no chance in hell, we probably wouldn't even be friends.

And why is it that if I ask for a shot at romance, it either is a yes or a I never wanna fucking see you again?  What the fuck changed?  Do I come across as a desperate person that's going to do anything to trick you into a relationship?  What part of "I don't understand, but I respect your decision" is unclear?  I want to know, honestly, what changes.  I understand again that it will create some awkwardness... it's hard to look at a friend the same way when that's out in the open.  Still, I feel that cutting off all contact is a bit extreme.

I'm lonely.  I'm bitter.  I'm done.  You want a guy that fucks you over emotionally and mentally?  Good.  Have at it. I'm done giving you my heart on a silver platter only to have you take what's offered, use it all up, and piss on the remains.  I have no more sympathy for people who are too stupid to realize that what they think they want and what they need can and usually are totally different things.

I don't mean to come down on the female gender.  I know males can be just as retarded, and I've been guilty of some pretty fucking stupid stuff in a relationship myself.  In my defense, the problem was mostly a drug I was on compounding my mental disorders, but it's still one of the three things I truly regret doing and would take back in a heartbeat.

Oh, and to everybody that's gonna be like "Oh, you'll find someone eventually" or "you have lots to offer" or "stop being so self pitying, you've got a good life" go fuck yourself.  No, really.   Eventually?  Fanfuckingtastic.  I hurt now.  I have lots to offer?  Yeah, I know, that's the fucking problem.  I have everything to offer and nothing to get in return.  I've offered it freely for far too long, and I'm drained down to my core.  Yeah, I have a roof over my head.  Yeah, I have food in my belly, clothes on my back, a computer, a warm bed, and I'm very grateful for what I do have.  That doesn't change how much the hole in my heart hurts, or the ache in my soul, or comfort me when I cry.  I don't want to be content, or even happy.  I want to love and be loved, and to find the one that completes me, heart and soul.  Until then, I'm a shell of a person.  I'm tired.  I just want to be whole again.  I guess that's too much to ask.

May you all find love.  Unadulterated, unreserved, unquestioning love.  And may you understand what you have, be joyous, and return it in kind.  Know that though I've never met you, or touched you, or held you, that I love you, with all my heart.  But now it's my turn.  I give no more of myself.  It sounds selfish, but it's that or die.  I choose to live.