Once again I find myself disillusioned by the way things are and the way things aren't. I try to be appropriate outside of joking manners, especially to people I like. That goes double for ladies that I LIKE like. Yeah, I pretend I'm in gradeschool for this shit, because the other ways of doing things seem idiotic. I tried courting a lass again, and once again got crushed for it. I saw it coming, but nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose.
So here's my philosophical arguing point for the night. Society has dictated that if you are nice, respectful, and proper to a lady as a male, you are either A) taken, B) just friends, or C) homosexual. Now, I have no problems with homosexuals, or even bisexuals. I have a problem when people mistake me for homosexual. I may not be homophobic, so to speak, but I do not care for males romantically. AT ALL. End of discussion. So pardon me for taking offense when I finally take a stand and tell a lass that I am interested in pursuing a romantic relationship and get "Oh... you aren't gay?" as a response. It's only happened once, but once is too many. I'm sorry I'm not an alpha male douchebag.
Ahem. Sorry. Back on topic.
That being said, I think I've figured out why I'm so... unwanted, I suppose is the way to put it. The ladies my age (between 18 and 23-25) aren't interested in a nice guy. Most of them anyway. Why? It's got little to do with conscious decision. It's more genetic conditioning. Alpha males survive in the wild, in nature, even in lower tech social societies (think dark ages, etc.). However, today, the alpha males are less successful than the lone wolfs, than the weakling nerds, than the intellectuals. Gender roles are nearly obsolete. Granted, males will still lean towards physical labor and females will lean toward teaching rolls, but overall gender roles are irrelevant. We are a society of intellectuals, of scientists, not of brute force.
Still, it's hard to break millions of years of social conditioning. Even males have the same problem. We seek not the smartest female, but the most 'attractive', the most fertile. Why? Because we are still in the mindset of survival of the fittest, not survival of the smartest.
I may not be completely unbiased here, but think about it. Honestly. It's just you here, so why not tell yourself the complete unadulterated truth. Guys, you want the big breasted, hourglass figured woman. Why? Because those are physical signs of fertility, and how we've been raised to perceive a mother figure. Girls, you want the strong, physically fit, domineering alpha male. Why? Because his genetic material gives your offspring the best chance of survival in a natural environment.
Now... there's nothing necessarily wrong with this, just like on paper, there's absolutely no reason for communism not to work. The problem arises from our current state of being. We are not in a wild, hunter gatherer, survival of the fittest environment any longer. As I said, we're a society of intellectuals, not of hunters.
It seems to me that 'older' (25+) women come to realize this fun fact. Really realize it. They've probably known consciously for a long time, but never came to terms or realized it. The alpha males are great genetic material... physically, at least. There is, however, usually a trade off. That trade off often comes in the form of how they treat their significant other. I've often said I'm tired of seeing women (and some men) treated like dirt, and accept being treated that way because they think it's the status quo, or that they can't do any better, or that it will get better or stop with time.
This is a foolish hope. People do change, but it's always a subtle shift from one thing to another. Granted, there are outliers here where someone goes from one extreme to another, but most often it's a very gradual change. Take alcoholism as an example. A bit extreme perhaps, but a good enough analogy I think. There's what, seven steps in AA? How long does it take to change something that you can physically SEE damaging your health? Months? Years? Being an alpha male is much the same. Power is addicting. Hurting others can be a drug all its own.
For my final point, I think I'll touch on love. First of all, I hate the word love. I think I wrote a whole post on it before. The word 'love' has become a cliche. No, it really has. I'm not the first to say this either.
I love ice cream. I love pizza. I love my friends. I love my teacher. I love my parents. I love my car. I love my computer. I love my socks. I love you. I love laughing. I love your hair.
See?
That being said, I'm forced to use the term love here. I want to love someone so badly... not make love to them. What I want is pure, unadulterated, unquenchable love. True adoration. I want to walk into the room, see them, and be complete. I want to find someone to hold my hands in public and smile just because they're with me. I want to smile when I'm doing things I hate because they're there. I want to belong to someone, and they to me, and make two become one.
I I I I I me me me me me want want want. It's a selfish thing to want to love someone. I want to give someone my heart that they may keep it warm and safe. I love a lot of people, but it's not the same. I love them so much I want them to be happy, even if it's not with me. I love someone so much it hurts because I know it will never again be the way it was, and given the chance, seeing how happy they are now, I wouldn't have it any other way.
What I want may not be what I need. I have what I need. I have food, clothes, shelter. I have companionship, to one extent or another.
How much better, though, would all of that be, if there were someone I could share my entire being with?
And now it's joke time. Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
- Watchmen: Rorschach, speaking of the death of the Comedian.
Good Enough Movies: LEGEND (1985)
7 years ago
Being a gentleman is never outdated. Girls are conditioned to think that most men are jerks. Many girls are too into themselves with the whole independent woman thing to understand a gentleman.
ReplyDeleteDepending where you go, the majority of college age women are mostly interested in only having fun, prepping for their career, or getting their career rolling before worrying about the rest of their life.
This goes back to the independent woman thinking. Yeah, women's rights are good, but if they take that to mean that they don't need a man unless it's convenient for them (after all, they have to prove themselves better, right? *rolls eyes*), then there are issues.
Btw, you seemingly contradict yourself. You complain about getting overlooked for being nice and not alpha male. You continue by stating how society is less hunter gather, alpha male now. How are you fitting those together?
However, men still hunt and gather. It's just less with a bow and more with a pen and computer.
Yes, lust is selfish. Don't confuse infatuation with love. So is wanting to love someone so you feel complete or happy. Love isn't that. Love is cherishing someone and nourishing them body and spirit. It's putting their well being before your own.
If you're looking for love just to fill a hole inside you, you won't ever be truly happy.
Watchmen
I agree that college age women want to have fun, etc., but fail to see how that is anything more than supporting my point.
ReplyDeleteHow am I contradicting myself? I'm commenting on a contradiction. Pen and computer nerds now fill the role that alpha males used to. However, when I say 'alpha male', I don't refer to the best male, or the first male. I refer to the mindset, as in alpha males get to mate with whatever mate(s) they want, that they can beat and berate their mates. We, as human beings, are conditioned to want or prefer one thing over another. What we want and what's best for us are usually different things (usually being the key term there). We want the hunter gatherer society because that's the status quo. The problem is, women can fill the alpha male role because, as I said, gender roles are outdated thanks to technology, intellectualism, etc.
I'm not confusing infatuation with love, or lust with love. As I said, I hate the word love. To love someone is a selfish thing though, make no doubt about it. It's self serving. Is it so wrong to want to be loved in return? The love I speak of is mutual, not one sided. That's what separates soul mate love and general love.
If love won't fill the hole, what will?
So yeah, I agree with most of what you're saying. Woman's independence is another topic all together, so I won't start a conversation on that, but you're right, it does have some bearing on what I'm talking about. What I see is these college age ladies rejecting what their older, wiser counterparts are telling them in a bid to be more independent.
Everything I've said is based on generalities, I admit that. I admit that there's a lot more to it than I have time to commit to internet land.
And yes, that's from Watchmen. I probably should cite it. I'll go fix that.
After thinking on it a bit (and after what a friend said) I think I see your point a bit better now. I didn't fully explain my point on love. I still stand by the statement that it is a selfish thing to love, but I don't mean to say I want to love someone ONLY so they will love me back. Not at all. I do want to completely love someone, and not expect anything in return. And I do, and I don't expect anything. You're right, that is love. However, to say though that I wouldn't want that same kind of love in return is a flagrant lie. We all want that. It's not a physical thing, it's a spiritual thing. My point was more it's a selfish thing to love someone selflessly, because we all want that love in return. It's one of those paradoxical things. We have to give what we want in order to get it.
ReplyDeleteThat's my bad, I didn't fully explain myself, and for that I apologize.
Too late/tired to really answer, but I will say the following. Alpha male or not, woman prefer a man with strong self confidence.
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ReplyDeleteI agree.
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