Seriously ladies, figure it the fuck out.

No.  Seriously.  You  want a guy that treats you like shit?  Fine.  Don't sit there and bitch at me that it's not fair that t here aren't any nice guys left, or that guys treat women like dirt, or that your current boyfriend just needs you to help him to 'change'.  I'm tired of giving and getting nothing but lip service 'gee thanks you're so nice'.

I don't want to be alone but you know what?  I'm through getting shot down for no good fucking reason.  "Oh, I just don't see you that way."  Why the hell not?  Not even gonna give me a shot?  You gave the asshole that cheated on you, destroyed your self esteem, and pushed you into doing things you aren't proud of a shot.  You gave the guy that wouldn't listen to two words about your day, or listen to you when you needed a friend, or who wouldn't give you that hug you really needed a shot.

So why is it that the guy that is always there for you, who has a water proof shoulder, who MAKES time in his day to make sure you're doing okay because he knows you and him are having problems or you're having a tough day at work always gets the "Let's just be friends" line?  Hmm?  No really, what is it that makes me so undesireable?  I really want to know!  Is it my sensitivity that you claim is so refreshing and wonderful for a guy to have? (By the by, I have a problem with gender role generalizations, but that's a post for another time.)  Is it my physical appearance?  I will admit I have a dark side, not anger but depression.  I know that's a major turn off to most people, not just girls, but you know what?  We all have our dark sides.

I also get that sometimes it just isn't going to work.  That being said, if it had no chance in hell, we probably wouldn't even be friends.

And why is it that if I ask for a shot at romance, it either is a yes or a I never wanna fucking see you again?  What the fuck changed?  Do I come across as a desperate person that's going to do anything to trick you into a relationship?  What part of "I don't understand, but I respect your decision" is unclear?  I want to know, honestly, what changes.  I understand again that it will create some awkwardness... it's hard to look at a friend the same way when that's out in the open.  Still, I feel that cutting off all contact is a bit extreme.

I'm lonely.  I'm bitter.  I'm done.  You want a guy that fucks you over emotionally and mentally?  Good.  Have at it. I'm done giving you my heart on a silver platter only to have you take what's offered, use it all up, and piss on the remains.  I have no more sympathy for people who are too stupid to realize that what they think they want and what they need can and usually are totally different things.

I don't mean to come down on the female gender.  I know males can be just as retarded, and I've been guilty of some pretty fucking stupid stuff in a relationship myself.  In my defense, the problem was mostly a drug I was on compounding my mental disorders, but it's still one of the three things I truly regret doing and would take back in a heartbeat.

Oh, and to everybody that's gonna be like "Oh, you'll find someone eventually" or "you have lots to offer" or "stop being so self pitying, you've got a good life" go fuck yourself.  No, really.   Eventually?  Fanfuckingtastic.  I hurt now.  I have lots to offer?  Yeah, I know, that's the fucking problem.  I have everything to offer and nothing to get in return.  I've offered it freely for far too long, and I'm drained down to my core.  Yeah, I have a roof over my head.  Yeah, I have food in my belly, clothes on my back, a computer, a warm bed, and I'm very grateful for what I do have.  That doesn't change how much the hole in my heart hurts, or the ache in my soul, or comfort me when I cry.  I don't want to be content, or even happy.  I want to love and be loved, and to find the one that completes me, heart and soul.  Until then, I'm a shell of a person.  I'm tired.  I just want to be whole again.  I guess that's too much to ask.

May you all find love.  Unadulterated, unreserved, unquestioning love.  And may you understand what you have, be joyous, and return it in kind.  Know that though I've never met you, or touched you, or held you, that I love you, with all my heart.  But now it's my turn.  I give no more of myself.  It sounds selfish, but it's that or die.  I choose to live.

Prince of Persia: The Alternate Universe of Time

Saw PoP: SoT this weekend, and I have to admit, it was a good movie.  I was a little disappointed because I'm a fan of the video game trilogy (the newest one they came out with was meh.) and rather than following the trilogy story line they took the basics and made a sort of alternate timeline for it.  It worked about as well as the new Star Trek movie, a great movie by itself that nodded to it's established universe but ran parallel to what "really" happened.

I do have to admit I was impressed with the accuracy of the stunts compared to the game.  They didn't go over the top with it, and the didn't make it meh.  The Prince is an agile guy, more so than most people, and actually the actor made his stunt crew play the game to get the movements right.  So props to them on that.

The combat in the movie was far more down to earth than the game.  No getting surrounded and using acrobatics to flip over a villain that happily stands there and lets you.  No sand monsters.  Again, it worked, but I was hoping to relive the game.  Just my expectations weren't jaded enough, not a mark against the movie.

The actress playing the princess was a very good choice.  Not too prissy, not a strong stereotyped "anything you can do I can do better I'm superwoman", but something in between.

Like I said, it worked.  I'd really like to see this movie succeed and a sequel be made by the same people.  If you're a fan of SoT trilogy, see this movie.  If you've never heard of PoP or SoT, see this movie.  Oh, and it's pretty kid friendly too, it's only pg-13 and reminded me of Star Wars as far as the action and people getting wounded go.

So props to the actors, to the directors, and especially to the writers.  I think this is the first movie I've enjoyed completely from start to finish.  I didn't have any "OH SHIT THAT WAS SIIIIIIICK" moments, but keep in mind I played all three games.  I have to give this movie a 10/10, totally worth the 8 dollar ticket!

And thanks to my friends that went with me.  It was fun times.  Oh, and there was a belly dancer in the lobby promoting the movie.  Icing on the cake ^_^

Sometimes I hate being motivated

It's like no matter what I do I either seem like I don't care or I care too much.  If I'm motivated to do something, for example getting a job, and I call back and do follow ups... the employer gets to the point where they recognize my name and associate it with pestering.  Or, they never remember my name and just don't care.  Or when I call in the traditionally proper amount of time, the position is filled or they just give me the "we'll call you if we have a position for you," which of course means that they don't have a position for me.

I think what irritates me most is when the potential employer gets mad at you for following up.  Personally, I see that it means I care enough about the job to call in and ask if I'm still in the running for it... but apparently most employers just see it as an annoyance.  I understand that entry level jobs get tons of calls daily.  I also realize that a lot of people call in just because they think that's what's expected.  I'm not sure if any one else feels the same way as me, but getting a dear john letter or response on the phone is really disheartening... it's like I'm not even a person.

I once spent 3 hours sitting in a Target waiting for an interview because they forgot about me.  I asked more than once and they just said "we're getting to you".  I finally went up and asked the management what was going on, and if I wasn't getting the interview I needed to leave, get something to eat, and make sure my brother got home okay.  Well, they just said "What?  No one has applied today."  Oh really?  Well I'm sorry all this time I spent here must have been me hallucinating.  Long story short I finally got the interview, got the second interview, and both interviewers recommended me and put a note on the forms that they wanted me to work here AND that I was made to wait several hours for my interviews.  A dear john postcard showed up a week later.  A guy who I know did pot in high school... a lot... got a job the same week.  I call hacks.

Rants aside, I still like Target.  I didn't for a while but I understood it wasn't the front line people that axed me, it was corporate.  Now I have my third interview for overnight position so wish me luck.  Whee!

Lethargic Funk

Don't you hate them?  You have tons of things you SHOULD be doing but you end up curled up watching the tv or reading a book, or in my case bouncing around on the internet reading useless facts that I find interesting but that are in no way relevant to anything in life.  For example, did you know that Thundercats had 4 seasons and one movie?  Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

My bad.

I meant to write a book review for the Dresden Files, but ended up doing one for Bad Company 2.  I still fully intend to write one, but I've got a lot of junk flying around right now.  Probably be starting a new job this week, always have school work, housework, etc., and I have other responsibilities to close friends.

So I'll get to it, no worries.  Until then though, I'll be keeping posts short and to the point, probably more philosophical diving boards than anything else.

For example, the other night I got to thinking about the nature of society, and more specifically death and leaving things behind.

It's like... while we operate within our little social group of friends, we try to think of things to say that will impress, but not always say what we mean for fear of being ostracized.  I've been forcing myself to get out of this habit for years now, and I've lost more than one group of friends to not keeping quiet when something bothers me.  I don't regret it though... if they can't accept me the same way I accepted them with all their flaws, they can keep leading their meaningless bullshit material wealthy lives.  But I digress.

A better example:  I really dislike crude jokes.  Racist jabs aren't too bad if they're done in good fun; i.e. white guys can't jump, asians can't drive, etc.  Especially sexist jokes get on my nerves, or crude comments.  However, I caught myself making a crude comment to 'fit in' to my social circle better... and it made me sick to my stomach.  Everyone laughed because it is what we've been conditioned to do, again to fit in... but it didn't sit well with me at all.

Food for thought.  Sit down and see just how often you do something to fit in.  I did, and I was unpleasantly surprised.  I found that I had three groups of friends... and three distinct personalities to go with each group.  All were me, but they were different masks I put on to fit in slightly better for fear of rejection.

Until next time, happy reading.

The good, the Bad Company, and a hippy

Speaking strictly of single player, Battlefield Bad Company was a fun game.  Not an amazing, ground breaking game... but man was it entertaining.  I'm pretty sure I smiled through the whole thing, rather than frowning in concentration.  It was still a solid first person shooter, don't get me wrong, but it was no Modern Warfare killer.

But I'm not here to talk about that.  I don't buy a lot of games as soon as they hit the shelf (I'm po'.  Can't even afford the other 'o' or the 'r', but the apostrophe came free with any purchase) and even less in the first month of their release, so when I do it's kind of a big deal.  Bad Company 2 wasn't a straight copy paste with a new story line, but still kept most of the feel of BC.   It was a much darker tale, that touched on corruption in government, revenge, pacifism and what really drives soldiers to keep on fighting.

That being said, I still smiled through most of it.  

Vehicles seem a bit over powered, especially the heavy tanks.  I realize that that is kinda the point, but I feel like without my auto aim npc buddies, I'd have died multiple times just because it's difficult to see and hit little dudes with rpgs, but when enemy tanks show up they get a bead on me... through buildings.  With their main cannon.

Maybe I just suck.  Shrug.

Still, the weapon collectibles make a come back, and it's kinda fun to search around and weapon swap.  I found myself using the starter rifle more often than not though.  Again, might just be because I suck.  One addition that really made my day was the addition of supply drop crates, where you can change your load out to any gun you've picked up to this point.  They aren't everywhere, but are at most checkpoints.  One thing I missed were the happy face pins on the grenades.  Some overpowered things, like artillery strikes, were taken out, and demolition made a much smaller part of gameplay.  I blew out walls more often to make a window rather than to knock out cover, or in one case because I couldn't find the door.

There's lots of tongue in cheek references to Modern Warfare 2.  **Possible spoiler alert!  one level you race your squad on four wheelers, and throughout the race Haggard teases Sarge and Sweets.  Sweets says something like "If this was a snowmobile race I'd kick your ass!" and Haggard replies "Well it's not, snowmobiles are for pussies!"  There's other references, but that's the only one I remember well enough to quote.

Whereas the first one, it was like a constant joy ride, this time around there's a very serious story line.  I don't think I can reveal any of it without spoiling it, as it's a sort of keep you in the dark need to know basis kind of story reveal, but the first level had me hook line and sinker.  I'm a WWII guy, I love watching the history channel and reading books about it, so when the first level dealt with a Japanese scientist defecting, I had to know the rest of the story.

Anyway.  Battlefield has always been about the multiplayer, but Bad Company 1 and 2 has given them a strong showing in the single player story driven areas.  Are they top dog?  Not in this category no.  But are they up in the top ten, at least in my humble opinion?  Easily.

I have to give the one player a 9.5/10.  I'll try out the multiplayer and write a separate review for it, though I've heard it's stellar.

Bleep bloop

So, for anyone that has separated parents, that had to live through the separation and aftermath, I'm terribly sorry.  My parents had a... we'll call it reasonable divorce in that my mother didn't contest anything and agreed to everything my father set up, for the most part anyway.  Anyhow... point is, I sympathize.  Rock on foo's!

Job interviews

As job interviews go, the one I had today was very nice.  sort of informal, the interviewer wasn't very experienced, but asked all the important questions.  So by this time next week I might have an awesome job!  ^_^

A Wizard, a Cop, and Knight walk into a bar...

This is neither a bad joke nor a DnD modern campaign setting... Although, I think I know what my next game is gonna be!

I'm an avid reader.  I love Sci Fi and Fantasy.  Don't get me wrong, there's definitely some good mystery, non-fiction, and all those other types out there, but Fantasy (and by extension Sci Fi, since it is arguably fantasy as well) is where my heart lies.  What I want to talk about today is one of my favorite series, The Dresden Files.


Some of you may have heard of the Dresden Files thanks to a neat sci fi channel series.  I saw a few episodes, but I don't think a tv show could really do Butcher's work justice(pun intended).  Seriously though, it was fun to watch, but like any series or movie for that matter, the book is better.

Harry Dresden is a Wizard for hire in modern day Chicago.  The book is written in a sort of noire style, and masterfully done.  Is it the greatest masterpiece of all time?  Probably not.  Is it a damn fine read?  You bet.  When I get a hold of the next novel in the series, I can't put it down, and usually end up pulling an all nighter to finish it.  Nothing is left to "oh, it must have been magic".  Spoiler ahead, depending on how hardcore you are about spoilers... In one scene, Harry is fighting some vampires (not sparkly ones, think Dracula on steroids, and more monstrous) shoots some fire, and knocks out one of the building's walls, bathing the vampires in sunlight.  On accident.  His response?  "Oops.  That was cool."

Good times, good reads, and definitely a series I keep track of.  Also great reads, but totally different subject matter, the Codex Alera.

Till next time, happy reading.

I am me.

I am me.  I think, therefore I am.  I question, therefore I am sentient.  I feel, therefore I am alive.

If you've ever gone job hunting before, you realize there are a lot of unwritten social rules to how society works. We aren't allowed to wear whatever we want, or dye our hair whatever color we wish.  Piercings, tattoos, even expressions are tailored.  You can't go to a job interview with a mohawk and expect to be hired, even if you're qualified.  I once knew a doctor (not a medical doctor, but a physics doctor) who gave lectures and had dyed blue hair, spacer piercings, and a nose ring.  He was forced to either get rid of the piercings and cut/un-dye his hair, or lose his job at the university he spoke at, even though he got the job straight out of college based solely on his merits.

What kind of just society is that?  I know there's a deeper argument to get into here... such as, as soon as you allow the guy with piercings to be a teacher, you have to allow the girl that wears nothing but a ribbon and a string to be a teacher, but I do think we can be far more open minded without making anyone that doesn't meet our double standards an outcast.  There's compromises to be made by both parties.

Bah.  /endrant.

Ah DnD 3.5... how I missed you

There's a lot of nerd talk in this post, so if you aren't sure what some of my terms are, don't worry.  I forgive you.  This time.

So, I recently started a new DnD 3.5 campaign with some friends of mine.  I'm really excited about it!  The first session went great, even though we had to cut off in the middle of a dungeon (silly responsibilities!)  Hopefully I'll learn to be an easier to work with player and the DM will learn the ins and outs of DMing.  He did a great job for his first time, far far better than my first attempt.

Oh, I'm playing a chaotic good level 3 human cleric of Corellon Larethian.  I've really sunk my teeth into this characters story, personality, virtues and vices, and personality flaws.

He was orphaned and left to die in the woods as a newborn, but was raised by elves (bet you'll never guess why his patron is Corellon!)  Left to die by his parents, an outcast raised communally by the elves, and only recently returning to "civilization" took their toll, and he's a very bitter and angry person.  However, he has strict moral guidelines he follows, and isn't afraid to have a heated argument about it.  He's got a slight drinking problem, and is almost always buys the first round, not that he's being nice, just that he wants a drink and doesn't want any trouble.

Coarse with his allies but unforgiving with his enemies, he's definitely someone you want to watch your back.  His word is his honor, and he'll never back down from a fight he feels is right.

For example, a young girl was attacked by some were rats (not really sure where the whole 'were-thing' is going right now, but it could turn into something interesting).  Instead of standing his ground and doing the tactically proper thing, he charges in, bullrushes one of the wererats away, and basically stands over her till the fight is over (despite being yelled at by his more than capable group mates to "move his ass and heal them").

I am REALLY liking this character.  Also, he has an authority problem (my DM hates me :D)  I'm thinking of taking him 2/3 cleric 1/3 rogue, I've always liked that combo.

I'll also be starting another, not DnD game that is based entirely on the d10 with ANOTHER group.  I believe it's called The World of Darkness, and is modern fantasy (i.e. werewolves with guns, stuff like that).  But we're twisting the setting a bit, modifying the game rules, and setting it in the Firefly/Serenity 'Verse.  You have no idea how excited I am about this.

Anyway, homework and sleep beckon, but maybe not in that order.  Next time, I'm thinking I'm gonna do a book review on one of my favorite recent series.  So until then, happy reading, and go give your d12 a hug.  It's lonely.

Return to Arkham, and the death of the demo

I rarely preorder games anymore.  I've been burned too many times with push backs and delays(Twilight Princess, I'm looking at you!), and even more by games that were hyped up so much, showed so much promise, then were just 'meh'... at least were meh in my humble opinion.

However, one game that I knew I was going to buy, knew I was going to love, and was super hyped about was Batman: Arkham Asylum.  Back then, I didn't have a blog, but every one of my friends heard me talk about how friggin' awesome this game was.  We as gamers have been treated to hosts of terrible comic-games, but this was the title to redeem them all!  If you haven't played this game yet, go find the demo somewhere.  It did an amazing job of showing you the ropes of every element of gameplay, and wasn't just the first 10 minutes or so of story to wet your whistle.  Just the demo got a 10/10 for me, but the game?  11/10.  Seriously.  I still go back and play it, and I've beaten it... four times now?

Which brings me to my real point.  What ever happened to game demos?  I remember back in the late 90's every game came with at least one demo!  Sure, there were some smaller titles that didn't, but nearly every game had something.  I was mostly a PC gamer (couldn't afford to keep up with the consoles, and we were lucky to have a decent pc), but as I recall even PS1 and some n64 games came with demos, or at least trailers built in.

Sure, with the advent of the internet and social networking, demos included with games have become obsolete.  Why take up precious space on your disc when you can just post a trailer on youtube?

But I have to admit, even as hyped up as I was about B:AA, I still had my doubts, and for me 50-60 bucks for a game is a big deal.  I have a hard time paying 30 for older, proven games (less than a year but more than six months).  So what sold me on buying, and not just buying but preordering, this game?  The FREE demo!  I played through the demo TONS of times.

Just to side track a bit, a lot of 'pirates' try to justify their illegal downloading/cracking of games as a way to "try out" the game instead of dropping 60 bucks on something they aren't sure they're going to like.  While I agree that's a valid point... I'm not so sure I can agree with the justification because 1. they never uninstall the cracked game, and 2. even if they try it and love it, they usually don't buy the game anyway.  But that's a topic for another time.

What we are starting to see is demos pop up on xbox live, or app markets, or whatever for a small fee... but see, I have a problem with paying for something I'm not sure I'll like.  I don't have 3-5 dollars to drop on a demo I'll play once and never touch again once the game comes out.  Arkham Asylum did an amazing job with their demo, and I hope that other game companies see that and implement their own similar demos, but that's wishful thinking.

So I'm going to try something new.  I don't have a lot of followers/readers yet, but I still want to get y'all's opinion.  What do you think we as the gaming community (or gamers, if you don't consider yourself part of the community) can do to get companies to see the value of putting out a free demo?

Leave a comment, try to keep it clean, and whee discussion time!

Pokeymans!

I played the old school red and blue versions of pokemon way back in the day on my brick gameboy when they first came out.  Then I played yellow, silver, and tried to play gold (but a dog disagreed with me and ate it.)  Then I stopped playing because I realized I could name all 151 originals and most of the ones from gold and silver and nobody played in highschool (at least, not around me =P).  So when Soul Silver and Heart Gold came out, I was kind of excited, because while Yellow wasn't as fun as I had hoped it was, Silver and Gold offered a lot more than one little guy that followed you around and made happy faces at you.  New regions, pokemon baby making, new pokemon, new legendary pokemon, less glitches (I'm looking at you Mssingno, with your two sky attacks and watergun!)  I've logged about 70 hours on my Soul Silver, and I'm barely half done.  After you finish the original Johto region (which offers revamped areas, gyms, and graphics), Kanto opens up just like in the originals, but you also get the National Pokedex which allows you to register all the pokemon from every generation, even the ones that are chronologically newer than SS and HG!  My little brother has every pokemon game up to these, so as soon as I found this out I started trading and baby making!  Yes, I'm addicted.  Get over it!

The touch screen is a definite plus in this game.  They really nailed streamlining the menus and battles with it.

There's so much new stuff that SS and HG provide.  The Pokewalker is a neat little addon that lets you find items, pokemon, and even gain a level or two while you walk.  The Pokeathalon Dome offers some neat (if frustrating) touch pad only mini games.  The Safari Zone is back, and has a bit more to offer than just a timed pokeball throwing bonanza with customizable zones (you change the six 'areas' to catch different pokemon).  There's also a Battle Frontier, which I haven't messed with yet, and ANOTHER mini game that was prevalent in the gen 3+ games who's name escapes me.

With the DS wireless connection, you can trade or battle with friends without cumbersome cords.  With the Nintendo WiFi connection, you can play with people all over the world, and not just trading/battling!  There's MORE MINIGAMES you can play against players from all over the PLANET!

And your pokemon get to follow you around.  This is by far my favorite new feature.  Every pokemon has a sprite model in addition to the battle screen and menu screen.  Every time my Evee hugs me, I go ^_^

This is how remakes should be... keep what was amazing about the original, but add in new features, new graphics, and new content.  I give this a 10/10, and wish I could give it more.  Props Nintendo.  I didn't even feel bad paying full price for this on release week.  If the upcoming Pokemon Black and White are anything like this, I just might have to start saving up to get them.

Pokefans, this isn't a cut and dry rerelease with fancier graphics.  Get this game!  Pokehaters, go die.  Or just don't buy this game.  <3

Till next time, happy reading.

Dead Space, the nitty gritty

So, last time I talked about my first impressions and my irritation with the controls.  Everything I had said is still true, but I have to revise my overall take of Dead Space as a whole.

I was hooked on the story before, but now I'm addicted.  Superb atmosphere, superb story telling.  It's no longer a matter of "WTF is going on", but "what's going to happen next?"

At first I was unimpressed with the enemies.  Seemed like everything I ran into was just the body of a person with extra appendages... attached... or... grown out of them... or something.  But now I see that introducing new enemies is a pacing tool rather than a cut and dry new area new enemy formula.

**SPOILER ALERT!  Jump to **End spoiler
For example, the first enemy you run into is a pretty nasty looking, but familiar enough modification of a regular old human.  It's a human, two arms two legs, with a monster head and almost bat like appendages sprouting from the shoulders that end in talon like spikes.  The next one I remember running into looked like a human cut in half, with a scorpion tail, that crawls around on the ceilings, walls, and floor.  A bit freakier, but nothing too foreign.  Then the babies showed up.  I can't even described them, but let me tell you, I was not prepared for that shit.  Now I'm running into stuff that can barely be classified as even vaguely humanoid.  The best part is, after starting to get used to seeing freaky stuff like that, the doors to the elevator open to reveal someone that looks a lot like an engineer (So... like you) that turns around, looks at you, then inhumanly runs away.  I about wet myself when that happened, no joke.

The guns you get are pretty versatile, but I find myself using the same two all the time.  First gun you get is a plasma cutter... think of it as your standby pistol, but make it kick ten times as much zombie ass.  The next ones you run into are the Plasma Rifle and Line Cutter, which I talked about last time.  I've run into a few more now... one of which I think I'll have a lot of fun with (once I find some damn ammo...).  One is a cut and dry flame thrower, but eats ammo too fast for my taste.  The next was a Remote Saw.  If you ever played Half Life 2 and use the gravity gun on a buzz saw, you'll get the idea.  Neat idea, but I find it's a bit too... not versatile.  It really only works at one range, and it's a really terrible range to be at, at least in my opinion: just outside of melee.  Another is a shotgun like weapon that is pretty neat, especially as it shoots out a time bomb as it's secondary fire.  Finally, there's a charged beam that has about the same aiming reticle as the plasma cutter.  Charge it up, let go the trigger, watch things die... or re-die.  It's secondary fire is an aoe around you that packs a big punch too.  I love it ^_^.  Still, my favorite is the line cutter, but I still use the plasma cutter more than anything.
**End spoiler

I still fight the controls constantly, but I've adapted.  Regular fighting isn't as stressful as it was when I started, but I still get irritated at the clunkiness of it all.  I'm about five, maybe six hours in, and I'm still running into new enemy types, new puzzles, and a changing ship environment.  Stuff I saw before is still there, but the same area I visited an hour ago is either more broken thanks to debris and failing ship systems, or being taken over by a creeping flesh like growth that reminds me of fungus, or the creep from Starcraft.

Other than that, my only gripe is the level of intensity that even the developers have acknowledged.  I sweat when I play this game.  I strain to hear anything that will tip me off to what's around the corner, if there's something behind me, searching for ammo, money, looking for potential... for lack of a better word I'll call them spawn closets, but it's not that simple.  I literally am on the edge of my seat the entire time I'm playing.  There are not "safe rooms"... not even when you're in the shop, looking through your inventory, or even saving.  Thankfully, if you're attacked while doing any of these things it does a good job of popping you back out.  Still, I always keep my back to a wall or corner whenever I do any of that, and clear the room even if I JUST walked through it two minutes ago.

So if you recall, before I gave it 7/10.  I'm retracting that, and giving it a 9/10.  If my few mechanic problems weren't as noticeable, especially after getting the swing of things, I'd probably give this game a 10/10.  Get this game.  Deal with the frustrating controls.  Take a break every hour or so.  And if you're playing it for PC, use a controller.  I recommend this, but to each their own.

Oh, and I'm gonna try something new.  If you're interested in reading my short fiction that might turn into a long fiction, leave a comment!  The first few... chapters, I guess, are up on my facebook page in the notes section.

Dead in the Water... and about two years too late

I've never been one for survival horror, or horror in general.  I feel that most 'horror' is actually just shock factor.  I shouldn't be able to sit through a whole movie going... "OH CRAP SOMETHING IS BEHIND THE DOOR DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!... Yup.  He was behind the door."  Makes you jump, startles you, but isn't really horrific or anything.  Now, there are horror films like that and there are horror films that don't rely on shock value to get their point across.  Silence of the Lambs was kinda like that, so is Shyamalan's stuff.  So what I look for in a horror movie isn't the startle factor, but something more like constant dread... constant insurmountable odds, overcome by skill and not a little bit of luck.  Oh, and to you Saw fans out there, the whole horror through disgust?  Yeah, not my cup of tea either.

Same goes for my games.  I've never been a Resident Evil fan.  Neither the games nor the movies.  The movies were okay (just my opinion, don't hate) and I watched all three of them (I think there were three anyway), but they were on my low end tolerable list.  My biggest gripes about the game were its controls...  slow didn't even begin to describe how I felt.  I didn't feel the horror at all, unless you count the horror I felt when it took me way too long to turn around and attack the stupid zombie that came out of the room I just cleared.  Or having one clip of ammo for a massive horde of hundreds of zombies.  Seriously, who only takes ONE EXTRA CLIP into a war zone!  /end rant

Anyway, time to get to what I'm really doing here.  So, when Dead Space came out two years ago, I let it go by because A) I don't like horror and B) I was broke.  But mostly A.  Recently though, it went through several price drops and I picked it up on sale.  I've played for about two hours now.  Here's my take on it.

Story wise?  Wow.  I was drawn in within the first five minutes of game time.  WTF is going on, where the hell is everyone, and why do the quarantine protocols seem to work only when it's convenient to trap me in the room with these monster... people... demon... things.  I'll probably finish the game just to see what the hell happens, and get the sequel to experience the amazing story telling.

That being said... I come to the meat of the game, the game play.  I started out playing with my good old standby mouse and keyboard.  Shooters have always been better with mouse and keyboard inputs, at least in my experience.  Well, not this time.  My aiming, and even my mouse cursor in the menus was wonky... drifting around long after I'd stopped moving the mouse.  Wasted tons of ammo spraying just because I couldn't stick the target.  Now, I'm not the best shooter in the world or anything, but I know my way around an aiming reticle... and this was ridiculous.  Yes, naysayers, I tweaked the sensitivity and all that jazz.

Anyway, on a whim I went ahead and hooked up my xbox controller, and what do you know, it was like night and day.  Took me a few moments to figure out the controls, but thanks to some in game pop ups, was easy enough.  Still, seems kinda odd that for a shooter, especially for me, that the controller was better.

Wonky controls aside, let's get to the nitty gritty.  You have a sprint option, but it's one direction no strafing, which is fine.  Walking feels like trudging through waist deep water, except the water is jello, and your legs are broken, and you're dragging a couple cinder blocks behind you.  It makes a kind of sense because you're an engineer, not an athlete, and your suit is like an all over heavy duty welding mask.  Just because it's justified though doesn't mean it feels right, especially with mutated people running around killing you.  Even turning feels sluggish, but that may be less slow controls and more freakishly fast thingummys trying to eat me.

It is very hard for me to get into the swing of aiming for not the head or chest.  That's right, damage is backwards.  Chest and head do less damage than legs and arms and tentacle... things... and tails... and any other appendages.  Not a bad thing, just so against everything I've learned in shooters that I have a hard time adjusting, and in a survival horror setting, that's not a good thing.

Then, a couple minutes into the story, I get force powers.  What?  Slow time, force grip and throw... I was a happy camper for about 30 seconds.  They can be used in combat, but gripping something pulls it into your already not great view.  Still, it's a neat mechanic that I don't think I've used to its full potential.

The guns are actually pretty neat.  You start out with a basic pistol type thing.  If you think of it as a blade thrower, you're on the right track.  You can buy different guns through automated shops, which was neat and fit the story pretty well.  My favorite of the four I've seen is definitely the line cutter, which is basically bigger, horizontal version of the plasma cutter.  All guns have a secondary fire, the plasma cutter just changes from vertical to horizontal, which is handy, the line cutter shoots a "mine" that explodes after a few seconds and is amazing.  The plasma rifle had a neat but inefficient secondary fire, you plant it in the ground and spray the entire room.  Potential for being surrounded is cool, but the accuracy and lack of ammo is bad.  I didn't use the flame thrower, because I didn't unlock it till near the end of my session.

The leveling system reminded me of the sphere grid from Final Fantasy X, simplified.  Each weapon has its own path, as does your suit.

So, giving everything the benefit of the doubt, I still can't recommend this game wholeheartedly.  I like what's there, I do, but the controls scheme, the constant frustration with the clunky controls... I just feel like I'd be having such an easier time with some more streamlined controls.

I'm gonna hold off on my overall rating till I get father into it, but so far, I'm giving it a 7 out of 10, and I can't wait to get my hands on the sequel.  I heard they addressed a lot of what is frustrating me, and if the story is anything like this one, I'm sold.  Once I get some money of course.

As always, take care, and happy reading.

Iron man 2 (don't worry, no spoilers. Well, maybe one at the end.)

So.  Iron Man 2 came out today.  I went to see it with a few friends this morning, and I have to admit, it was a damn fine movie.  Not really any overt product placement (No Pepsi cans sitting around randomly, or big shots of cars, etc.)  Really great animation (as always), a deeper look into what makes Tony tick (and no, I don't mean his "battery"), introduction of some more shield characters, War Machine, explosions, robots, and guns.  Did I mention guns?  Lots of guns.  Even a few cameos by jets!  Oh, and a special appearance by Edward's Air Force Base (neat for me at least... I live relatively near there.)

However.  It wasn't the action movie I was hoping for.  No Iron Man and War Machine rompin' and stompin' through the middle east war zones, no jet to... battle suit... fights, no helicopters getting torn up.  **Depending on how hard core you are, you might consider my next few points spoilers.  I don't, but just be warned**  Just battle suit on battle suit, battle suit on robot battle suit, and person on person.

By the way, Scarlet Johansson is friggin hot in this movie.  'Scuse me while I wipe the drool off my face.  In the words of Tony, "I want one."  Okay, back to professionalism.

Most super hero movies don't need much more drama than the good old bad guy creates problem good guy solves it formula, but I feel that adding in a 'rival' female lead was good for the movie as a whole.  I laughed, I smiled from ear to ear, I went "DAMN that was awesome!" and at no point did I go "yawn get on with it".  Could there have been more action?  Definitely.  Did there need to be?  No, but it sure would have been nice.

So what was my favorite part of the movie?  After the credits, which I'll get to in a moment.

My overall rating for the movie is a 9.5 out of 10.  Definitely not my favorite movie of all time ever, but right up there with my favorites.  Only reason it doesn't get a 10 out of 10 is because I wanted to see... if not more action, then at least some different action.  That may not be fair, but damnit, it's my blog!

Bottom line, it's worth your 8 dollars to go see it in theaters.  I didn't see the digital... super... whatever version, just the regular old version, so I can't tell you which is gonna be better, but I assume the digital one will be slightly crisper, both sound and video wise.

******SPOILER ALERT!***** Stop reading fool!
So what did we get at the end of the credits?

Thor.  Yup.  I was hoping for Captain America, but we got Thor, and that's okay by me!  I'm excited.  Still super hyped for Captain America (and the Avengers after that).  I'm sure most of us have seen the leaked Thor still image, but that's not what we got to see in the teaser clip.  We see a crater in the middle of the New Mexico Desert, and Thor's hammer laying there.  I squealed like a giddy school girl when I saw it.

So until next time, happy reading, and remember:  Only you can help Dr. Steel take over the world =)

The fifth of May

It seems that most members of society can and will find excuses to partake of debauchery, drunkenness, parties.  Wine women and song wine women and song.  And I say, let them.  I do not begrudge men and women their pleasures.  We all partake of pleasure where we can find it.  We must.  If you don't smile... if you don't feel joy, pure and unadulterated, then what is life worth living?  There is a fine line we all walk to stay sane.  For some, the path is wider than others... and for others, the path is so narrow one word, one gesture can send you over the edge.  For some of us, joy is a phone call away, a loved one's voice, seeing a friend every day, having a game night every month.  For others... joy is a foreign concept.  Pleasure, certainly we all feel at some point, perhaps something simple like a drink of cool water on a hot day, or a good joke.  But joy?

For still others of us, even happiness is a fleeting thing.  When our days are filled with bitterness... with disgust... when we are surrounded by hatred directed at us for no better reason than that we are different, that we hold different values, we put stock in different things.  This makes us inferior.  Sometimes this animosity originates in those we love, who are closest to our hearts.  Sometimes, through no fault of our own, someone that should support and accept us becomes our enemy.  That kind of non stop pain can, over time, corrode a psyche to the shattering point.  It's so easy for us to hate, for us to be cruel, even evil.  We don't even realize it.

So for everyone that's ever thought they were better than someone else.  For anyone who has ever said a malicious word out of spite, jealousy, envy, or anger.  I forgive you.  It happens.  I've been guilty of it too.  However.  Realize what you have done.  Realize the pain you've cause.  Maybe to you it was a sarcastic comment, or a harmless 'teasing', or maybe you even thought it was necessary, a kick in the pants to motivate someone.  Consider, though, what it is to them.  Think before you speak.  Be thankful for what you have, and realize how unfortunate some others are.

I don't have a loved one to lean on.  I don't have friends nearby to escape the harsh realities of life with.  I don't have a family that supports me.  Words hurt, often worse than any blow or cut ever could.

I don't tell you this as a sob story.  I tell you this in the hope that maybe, just maybe, my little nearly anonymous plea to the sea of electronics that make up the internet might touch even one soul, and at some point might even make someone's life a little bit happier, a little bit more joyful.

Farewell dear reader, and may your life be far far more joyful than mine, forever.

Final Fantasy IV DS

So, a while ago I picked up Final Fantasy IV for the DS.  I remember playing FFIV for the first time when I bought Final Fantasy Chronicles for the PS1 for Chrono Trigger (one of the best RPGs of all time imo).  Never beat it, got stuck on a boss and never went back to finish it.  That being said, it was a pretty awesome RPG.  For those of you unfamiliar with it, you play as Dark Knight Cecil, the leader of the Red Wings of Baron.  Once good king turns evil, you are at odds with your honor obeying a corrupt king, there's love interest, pretty cut and dry RPG story with unique twists.  Don't fix what's broken right?

But I'm not writing a synopsis.  I don't believe in spoilers, so that's all I'm gonna give you story wise.  Game play on the other hand is a different story.  In the FFIV I played back on the PS1, it started out with an epic cinematic.  Then you went forth as your eight bit sprite.  The battle scene used slighter better drawn than you eight bit monsters/people.  The battle screen used an active/wait bar system, and your basic Attack/Special/magic/item menu system for abilities.  Like I said, pretty cut and dry RPG system.

The DS version, however, you're treated to remastered music and cinematics.  Other than a nifty graphics and sound update, there's not much to say about it.  Aesthetically, your eight bit sprites are replaces with goofy looking big headed articulated rag doll sprites.  Here's a reference for you:
Battle scenehttp://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100219214224/finalfantasy/images/c/c7/FFIV_Battle_DS.png

Some scripted in game conversations have been given voice overs, which breaks a bit of the monotony from spamming your 'next' key.  The voice acting is decent enough, but you still have to deal with wonky looking childish sprites.

So what does this version have to offer you other than shiny new graphics, remastered sound, and a bit of voice acting?  Not a lot.  There's no touch screen features that I've found yet, though the dual screens are used to pretty decent cinematic effect.  Spells got a bit of an overhaul, but that falls into graphics.  A few inconsequential characters are added, such as a rabbit person that gives you prizes for fully mapping out dungeons.

That being said, it's still a solid game.  I picked it up for nostalgia's sake, and to finally beat a game who's story I was drawn into.  So is it a good game?  Yeah.  Is it worth picking up if you've already beaten it?  Only if you're a hard core FF fan.  If this were the first time I played FFIV, I'd probably give it 8/10.  But since it's a straight copy with not much more than shiny bells and whistles, with the same clunky battle menus, I have to give it a 7/10.  Worth the ride if you love Final Fantasy and old school cookie cutter RPGs.

Old cars and memories

Last night I had another weird dream.  Odd what the mind does when it's in standby mode.  Most of the dream was personal (not gross, just personal), but for some reason I was driving my old Jeep.  I think it was a Cherokee... don't remember the year, but I believe it was a 1992ish.  I kinda miss that neat car now.  Sure, it ate up gas (not as bad as a full fledged SUV or hummer, but still pretty bad), and it had a baseball for a shift knob, but man that car had character.  Dented and dinged, couple cracks in the wind shield, the paint was still holding up nicely for a car that's spent its entire life in the sun.  I had some good times in that car, and some bad ones.  I don't quite remember why we got rid of it... I believe I started driving my pinto again (I had wrecked it a week after I got my licence, but that's a story for another time).  Never gave good old Jeepy a proper nickname.  I hope it's being treated nice, and not tore up in a field somewhere.

The beginning.

Heya folks. I've never really done anything like this before, save a few short story posts and rants about the nature of the human condition. So suffice to say that if it's your first time, don't be scared. I'm a virgin too.

Once upon a time, I believed that I mattered, that the people closest to me weren't fools and assholes, liars and thieves. Once upon a time I thought that my lifestyle was acceptable, that my friends would always be a phone call away, and that High School lasted forever.

So, dear reader, that brings us to the purpose of this little writing escapade. Here I will discuss anything that comes to mind, from video game and movie reviews, rants and raves about the stupidity of society, to whatever the hell I feel like ^_^. Maybe I'll even post up some short stories for your entertainment, dearest internet.

So, let me end my beginning. It is my very great pleasure to meet you, and happy reading.